I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
