remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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