Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
