I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What a dumb baby whore.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
