saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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