Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
