It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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