after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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