his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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