i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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