Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
