Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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