my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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