I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
