I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
