i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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