...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
