Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
