I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
