he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
