I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
