He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
