areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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