so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
