Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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