so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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