Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Randomize
