Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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