Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
