I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
