david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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