What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need water and some morals
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
