ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
