Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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