so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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