No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
