I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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