My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
