I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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