member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
