I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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