I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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