I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
