I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
