he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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