so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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