That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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