when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
