My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
