I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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