We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
