I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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